: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
