Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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