I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
