When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
