The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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