Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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