the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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