you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
