sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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