I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
