I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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