Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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