My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
