its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize