I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
