All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
