I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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