My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize