My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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