Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
