I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
