I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
