The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
