I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
