and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
