Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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