she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
