i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
