2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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