I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
