somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
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Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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