Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
as a side note pls kill me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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