Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
