I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
