So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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