he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
