Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
