Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
