Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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