Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
