Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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