We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
