did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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