OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
