I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
