The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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