You smell like a Billy Joel song
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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