I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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