angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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