chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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