haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
