I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
