im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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