My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
