We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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