I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
