She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
