Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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