So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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