All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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