Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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