Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
