I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
