I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
