I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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