HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
