is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
