Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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