Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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