Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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