is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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